An Obligatory Year-ender Blah

You may have read one too many of new year's resolutions and about how the year's about to end but I haven't. Not even one. And yes, it's not because I don't want to read any but I am just one of the many who tries to stretch the last remaining days of the year. Stubbornly trying to squeeze all types and forms of fun and family oriented activities I could think of for the last 2 days (we are set to go back home day after the first of January 2014). But it's just humanly impossible and giving in to the spontaneous and random never hurt, so yeah.

Thoughts before 2013 ends:

1. YOUR SELF SHOULD BE ON YOUR LIST of TOP PRIORITIES

 Well, ever since I became a mom I started finding the word priority a little absurd. There are things in life which are all equally important to us. Every time one asks me what's my priority, I mentally punch the person in the nose. Make it priorities for pete's sake! Being a mother is a priority for me. But so is my career (and other things!). And it literally hurts my brain to think I have to choose which of which is more important because they both or all are. If there's something you can do to never let choosing one over the other happen, DO IT.

You would never want to see yourself few years from now regretting and plenty of what if's. You can't give yourself fully to something if in your heart, there is that another thing that you deeply want and cared for. Challenges are meant to unleash ideas, creativity and MORE effort from you so release the Super You!

2. FAMILY MATTERS A LOT

Motherhood is both a blessing and a grace. It takes you to become a mother to understand your own mother. All the nagging you once found senseless and irritating are now filtered with understanding and patience. Now, I can't seem to look at my mother without feeling a little warm in my chest and remembering the years she endured to raise us, I admire her. I think you really come to a point wherein you see things differently and you feel closer to your siblings and parents and you're more tolerant of faults and shortcomings because you have come to accept that what your parents and siblings are is partly who you are. And I would love to see this light in a positive manner. I don't want to think about the flaws my siblings or my parents have and take that as a reflection of me because nothings comes out of all negative and dark stuff. I want to focus on what motivates me to become better.

3. TRUST IN YOUR STRENGTH AND THE GREATER SOURCE OF YOUR STRENGTH

I am neither a religious nor a spiritual person. You can't find me frequenting the church or constantly down on my knees praying. But I don't think I have to be one to know acknowledge that someone out there watches over me and carries me whenever I can't seem to take things anymore. Your faith is your greater source of strength so it's important to bank on it. This 2013, I have been awed and amazed a lot of times on how great He is. His works are never simple but if your faith is unyielding and paired with efforts of your own, things turn around and you come out a victor and more stronger and wiser.

Uhm. Here comes the infamous new year's resolutions:

1. Work hard

2. Speak gently

3. Speak the truth

4. Exercise

5. Do Yoga

6. Do boxing

7. Eat healthy

8. Travel light and enjoy!

9. Sleep 6-8 hours

10. Commute

11. Save

12. Invest

13. Keep in touch with friends and families

14. Be more patient

15. Be more tolerant

16. Be humble

17. Choose your battles

18. Be brave

19. Love yourself

20. Speak love

21. Drink a lot of water

22. Take care of your skin

23. Be spontaneous

24. Read more!

25. Write more!
26. Give without reservations
27. Receive with whole-heart
28. Be a woman for others
29. Study again
30. Explore possibilities 

This will do.

Hello 

eveyone!! :-)

The Christmas Spirit

This one could be another incoherent and jumping-from-one-point-to-the-other post from me but there's no stopping me. And I will not apologize for it either :)

My partner and I just finished watching two (2) Christmas [themed] movies (although he didn't really get to finish the second film but he made it pass the middle part so he's totally forgiven) and I can't help but be reminded that Christmas is just 90 more days away. Sounds like still a light year away but with how fast time seems to be going these days, the next time we wake up will be that December 25th almost everyone knows about.

You see, Christmas always have a special spot in my heart. And I didn't realize that till college. My memories of childhood Christmas vary from happy to sad and tragic but even the tragedies and misfortunes didn't get me to hate, not even a bit, Christmas. This is not to get poetic and melodramatic about the subject (although it will likely sound one) but I love Christmas for so many reasons. NO, it has nothing to do with all the food and the celebration and merry-making. I think they are the marshmallows in your hot chocolate.

I love Christmas because it never fails to remind me that no matter how dragging and difficult life has been for you the entire year (perhaps), there is one day you look forward to. It's like being trapped in a very long dark and dingy tunnel but knowing there is a light at the end of it, you crawl your way out. That one day may not be able to change your life in a very magnanimous (and it's crazy to expect such, really) way but the hope that you hold on to and the faith that you keep are more than enough to say LIFE WILL BE BETTER and you know it because you are capable of turning things around.

I love Christmas because as a child, I remember sneaking out at night when everybody was asleep and climbing to the top of our water reservoir and lying there feeling the cold air and counting the stars (literally). I don't know if anyone of you would agree or anyone of you seems to notice that there are more stars in the sky at night at the start of "-ber" months. The memory always makes me happy. 

It's like people have bigger hearts on Christmas. We forgive, we try to forget, we try to revive some dying relationships, we give, we give more, we ignore, we tolerate, we open our minds, we pray more, and we love more. For that, I love Christmas.

As for me, a new mother, a life-partner, a daughter, a sibling, a work mate and a friend, Christmas has been given more meaning since last year (the year my son was born). Christmas can't take away the troubles you and I have right now. That's a fact. But you can always think of Christmas as the fireplace that offers you warmth on cold December nights or the mainit na tsokolate at puto bumbong you make or bring home after the dawn mass.

I love Christmas simply as it is. Happy Christmas to you :)

PS: 

This is Iris's (Kate Winslet's) cottage in "The Holiday".
The house is like a fairy-tale come true, I like it so much.

The Christmas movies I mentioned above are "A Christmas Carol" and "The Holiday". The second one I may have watched more than twice, it's one of my favorite Christmas movies. Also, please check out "The Polar Express" - I have memorized the scenes and some lines of that movie. Who wouldn't when there isn't a week wherein that movie isn't played. It's one of the recent favorites of Franco. 

Half-life...

I may have spent more than half of my entire life being questioned, misunderstood, criticized, and judged by other people. But I couldn't care less. These people barely know me or may have had a quick encounter with me (but still, know less than 1% about me) Yes, this could be a me, myself, and I post (be warned). I owe it to myself. I am finally full and almost done with putting other people's best interest before me. I am barely hanging in there and I have nothing to blame but myself.

You see, it's easier to dismiss other people's negative thoughts and impressions about you but if it's your family, close friends, and people you thought you'd be sharing a significant part of your life with who misunderstood/judged you, you're shattered.

So here I am, asking myself how bad or worst of a person am I?

I am not out of the ordinary. When people have tried so hard to prove they are different from others, I'd say, what's wrong with being ordinary? I eat, I pray, I get mad and sometimes, I get even.

I might as well expound on the last point since this is where it's leading. People who really know me understand that whenever I raise my voice, that doesn't necessarily construe to getting mad. My voice also has this annoying high pitch that would make you want to choke my neck to see if it can get any lower and deeper. And sometimes, some people don't literally get what I'm saying so instead of asking me to explain further, they jump to their own mighty conclusions and take every word I said against me. Sounds like life, huh?

I could be a walking contradiction, but tell me who isn't and I will bow down before him/her and kiss his/her feet. And like any ordinary person, I get mad. Like really mad. But I don't get mad just for the heck of it. So don't fucking turn the tables and tell me I am a hating machine who's totally lost control of so much anger it becomes contagious because I have my middle finger to shove up your nose. Also, I like to be alone when I know I'm about to get mad so don't fucking follow me around nor take my silence as your chance to nag and then feel super about it because I stayed silent. You have no idea how much energy I have spent on that silence so if you break that, don't act all innocent and go saintly and preachy on me. FUCK YOU.

As I've said, I am barely hanging in there and to tell you upfront, I'm thinking of just letting go. Anything I have now, I've worked my ass to get them. I am where I am now because I believe hard work will get you somewhere.

But human as I am, I can also get mushy (you get the idea). And I sometimes, I get too mushy I forget about myself. My ways of expressing how mushy I am even gets misunderstood. Challenging people you care for and love to become better versions of themselves apparently don't work for everybody. The person you love will even take it out of context and take it as an insult and you're left wondering which part in whatever you said was meant to destroy that person.

I've fought a long fight. Fought against the flow because I am not really the go-with-the-flow type. I have a strong personality. Anyone who doesn't like that usually doesn't like me. I try to be friendly (because, I am introvert) and usually, I come out a victor. I gain new friends and I feel happy about it. I am a loyal friend. I will fight for a friend who's been judged and mistreated wrongfully. Yes, I could say I am a good friend.

I am a good sibling. I am not the perfect daughter but I am certainly not bad. I'm not a bad person. I am not a bad person. I am a believer in the goodness of every human being. And just because I get mad at you and tell you things any mad person could say, I am not a bad person. And even if I made you feel bad, I will regret it and will ask sorry for it because I am not a bad person.

But who cares? The people who really love you need no explanation and the people who really care would agree. I don't seem to be feeling anything of that sort exists in the past couple of months. So I consent myself to be weak and I will let go and start all over again.

Can't give love you don't have or no longer have.

Hooray for Yesterday!

Back from my seasonal hiatus. Yes, I have changed the title as well as the background. Here's to reviving this forgotten page!