Due Lies

 DISCLAIMER: The content doesn't have anything to do with the title. Just too lazy to come up with a better one. LOL

    Just like that, we're on the 7th month of the year, JULY. It's been said countless times that time seems to speed by. I don't know with you but my previous months feel like a distant memory. Ironic isn't it? Now that we have the technology to conveniently look at the past, the more it becomes distant to us. We yearn to feel and experience again the good times... and if you're a masochist, even the bad.

    I miss my mother. She's left us for almost 2 years now and you might think that the longer time passes, the easier it becomes. Yes and no. There are times when it gets easier; quite frankly, there are times I forget. But when I do remember, boy does it feel like something heavy is sitting on my chest.

    How do I deal with that? I cry while I listen to sad songs. I embrace my sadness and loneliness. I cry for the future that my mother won't be able to see most especially the kids growing up. I cry for the inevitable - the kids forgetting her. I cry for my shortcomings and failures; then and now. I mourn the could haves, should haves, and what-ifs.

    Mind you, my mother and I didn't have the best and closest relationship. We both possess strong personalities and sometimes, we clash. Now, I realize that it's the clash that's one of the things I miss. Those moments fueled me to do better and become stronger in facing life.

    Now that I'm swamped with so many things to do and tasks to accomplish both in work and personal life, I can't help but think about those moments. Mama's unique love language...

     July is my firstborn's birth month. Also happening this month is my daughter's assessment. I'll have two school kids this school year. 💪

PS: Also, this month 6 years ago, a life-changing decision I made turns out to be my hell now.