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At times when your fears and doubts are magnified and become bigger than your dream or worse, your passion, you just want to give up. If there's a chance to run like there's no coming back or to wake up in an entirely different place where nobody knows you, you'd jump at it, even grab it the moment fate hands it down to you.
To be honest about it, I've decided to finally quit [my job] last week. I told myself, I would do my best the next 3 months or so, then my graceful [hopeful] exit.
I love my job. I really do. As of this writing, imagining the people I have the privilege to work with makes me cry; the farmers who have become close to me and who taught me about simple joys in life; even those who repeatedly cut me while giving lectures about stuff I didn't even learn in college. The latter has given me the patience which is one of the most notable virtues I admittedly lack/need.
But just like any relationships, sometimes, love [alone] isn't a guarantee that everything will be smooth and lasting. Love isn't enough to make you get off your bed and your hands off your comfortable pillows in the morning.
I love my job but sometimes, I arrive late in our weekly staff meetings.
As Kuya Poloy (our Project Director) had put it, "If you have the passion, nothing is impossible." This, he realized while on a local bus on his way to one of our project areas. He said he woke up early that day to catch the bus and to leave the city (CdO) before 6 am yet the bus he was on was barely making a kilometer per hour. Frustrated and disappointed, he texted an officemate about his sentiments but didn't get the solution he wanted: private vehicle to the rescue.
Passion.
Is this something you may lose while living the daily life you got so used to? If I'd ask you what's your passion, will you be able to give me an answer faster than the blink of an eye? Or are you now living your passion? Putting it into a more concrete form and mastering it? Are we allowed to have two or more passions? Or you just have to have one?
Two things made say "I QUIT" but let those two things be mine to keep.
Challenge.
Making a decision is a challenge.
I never expected that I will be facing another challenge even before coming up with a final - irrevocable decision. The challenge came in the guise of simple acknowledgment.
After finishing the assembly I was facilitating, Kuya Poloy gestured a high-five. And I didn't expect the words that followed:
Kuya Poloy: "Congrats Trainer." "It took me 30 years to be able to do what you did but you were able to do it in a year. Kampante na'ko kung unsa man...(hanging)"
And FB app Message from God went straight to the core:
"On this day of your life, Manman, we believe God wants you to know ... that it's important not to invalidate your feelings. Your feelings are telling you something important. Do not rush to act on the first whim, take time to hear the full message."
I don't know what rules over what now but one thing's for sure, both my head and heart have some things to say I hope we go back to flipping coins.
